Am I a “Player”, or do I just “Crush a lot”?


“I have been accused of being a player. I date a lot of women, and can never seem to settle. I like the women I date, but never enough to to make them my girlfriend. But I don’t believe this makes me a “Player”. What are your thought’s?”   -Anonymous


Well, “Anonymous”, you didn’t give me much background, but I will go off of what little you gave me. In my opinion, the difference between a “player”, and someone just “in search”, is that a player “over sells” their emotional availability, while someone just dating around, shows that they are  emotionally available for the right person. The term player came about as a way of distinguishing someone that plays with emotions. Sells the idea that they have some kind of true emotional attachment to an individual that is special between them. A player tends to treat the other person like they are their one and only, when in truth, they are already making reservations for the next one. For a player, the goal is, and always will be, to get into the head of the other person, and from their, win over their heart. If you see yourself doing this, even if unintentionally, than you are a player. Good news is, if you are doing this UNINTENTIONALLY, then, when you finally get tired of walking in and out of people’s lives, you will make a great companion. Most “players” are experts at making others happy, and if done for good, can be someone that any person looking for someone to treat them like they matter, will appreciate. If you are doing this on purpose however, than you may not only have commitment issues, you probably have some self esteem issues that you need to resolve. Your need to be loved and adored, is keeping you from having a fulfilling relationship. The only way to tell if you are a “player” or not, id to be honest with yourself. Are you playing games with others emotions? Are you sleeping with people, then just fading to black on them? Or are you just trying to make the other person feel special, and not being honest with them about your OWN emotional availability? All valid questions when determining whether you’re a player or not.


Now, if you’re just dating around, the situation is starkly different. Someone dating around, tends to be emotionally a point. They tend to be more reserved, never straying to far from their own routine, and typically only date people that fit nicely into the lives they already live, or, are able to “fit in, where they get in”. There are about a million reasons why people become “serial daters”, but the most common reason is that they are looking for “perfection”. Relationships, while they shouldn’t be HARD, take work. There will be disagreements, and disappointments. If you are one to walk away every time you see something you don’t like, you just may be a “dating snob”, and the chances of you ever finding “Ms/Mr Right” are slim to none. Are your expectations to high? Are you in a place in your life where you actually want to invest the time and energy it takes to create a real bond with another person? This is another case of having to be dead honest with your self.

People may be labeling you as a “Player” because, they are not sure what it is you are looking for.  The first place to find whether you’re a player, or just haven’t found the right one yet, is in yourself. People will always have their opinions. It’s not them that you have to answer too. It’s yourself. Man or woman, you know what the dating scene looks like. TERRIBLE!! Don’t contribute to the madness by littering the battlefield with confused and heartbroken Ex’s! Even a “player” knows how to let’em down easy. And, if you are wondering how I know, well…..I am a retired player myself.


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